We Invent The Wetsuit.

Did I ever tell you kids how Finger and I invented wetsuits? That's right we started the whole Water Temperature Inversion Wearable Ward drobe Suit or a Wiwi suit for short[!], yup I know what you're thinking....that's friggin' juvenile!! I begged Finger to come up with a better name for it but he would just give me a disgusted look and bury his nose back into the Hydrodynamic Thermal Tables that he "borrowed" from the UW up in Seattle. Did I tell you kids that he was self taught when it came to the sciences.....and he was a little insufferable out in the lineup with all his chatter about water volumes and p.s.i. foot pressures. But that is just between you and me, he gets a little pissy when I try to tell him to be more listener friendly if you know what I mean.

This is what he would say to me as I was being rolled by a rogue set, "You shoulda seen that coming, Gazza! Now you're gonna feel 10 tons of water on that empty head of yours and you should be held under for 30 seconds but when you come up you will be 200 yards down the beach and outta the picture so that I can pick a choice wave from the next set!" Unfortunately he was never wrong so I had no come backs for that kind of insulting talk!

Anyway, I digress what the hell was this all about....oh yes the illy named WiWi suit. So we had gotten damned tired of freezing our kibble and bits in the water every day and Finger had seen in one of his publications a navy request for anyone to develop an outfit that could keep their divers warm for extended periods. I knew of an old trapper still working the Willapa River who could stay out in the water longer than anybody else. Hell here was a way to keep warm and make a bunch of money in the process if we could find out his secret...so off we went to find the old bugger.

Sure enough the old coot was waist deep in the river-- forever-- and when he finally came back to the shore he had a whole family of beavers that he had trapped. Did I mention Finger and I had been hitting the bottle pretty hard while we waited?? It has everything to do with how the events subsequently unfolded, and eases the more painful moments that we had to endure.

So Finger and I were staring at this passel [French word for a buttload] of beaver, wondering if our fortunes would change for the better via this strange man and his river dance as he liked to call it. He claimed he could stay in frigid cold water longer than any man alive and he had a secret lining under his clothing. Coyly he refused to show this lining to us until he was through with the riverdance. After a long swig from Finger's whiskey he proceeded to vigorously move his feet kicking and twirling from trap to trap. I thought the drink had gone to Finger's head as he clapped and cheered these crazy gyrations, it was a little fruity for my tastes but hey I'm all for people being comfortable in their own skin!

Anyhow a long time later I came to, I guess the booze had gotten to me. There was a strange sensation around my waist and I screamed like a girl as I came around, Finger and his new friend both wielded huge,sharp needles over me. Barely missing vital organs they were sewing me into a sealskin from head to toe and around the waist they had attached two young beavers in a very suggestive pose!

Needless to say I threatened them both with bodily harm, but it was to no avail as they had trussed me like a chicken, Finger's hand in this betrayal was very apparent and I let him know this was not going to go unavenged. "For the future of surfing you are about to be a hero or.... part of the food chain!" Finger smugly said. "What?" I asked. "This is the suit I have dreamed of Gazza, yours is the prototype!" Whenever Finger threw out fancy words and phrases I knew I was in the crapper!

It was almost dawn as I was launched into the current alongside the jetty, wrapped in this strange outfit. The swell had grown overnight into clean and overhead conditions so like a big dummy I paddled out to the backline thinking that I was pushing humanity forward. "One small paddle for mankind, one small paddle for mankind." I kept chanting as I looked for the outside peak. I'm unselfish and concerned about my fellow peeps that way!

The first thing I noticed when I sat on my board was that all the seals around me split like there was no tomorrow and soon the beavers and I were the only creatures in the water. The fin and the biggest wave of the day appeared at the exact same moment I was enjoying the warmth of the suit and marveling at how accurately named this Wiwi suit was, although I must say it fit like a glove if the body had a glove.

Well that fin belonged to a real badass local we called Whitey and knowing what his intentions were I paddled like hell to get away from him. I must have inspired one of the beavers with my frenzied action 'cos he started slapping the water to get away from the shark too and the only picture that Finger took showed that beaver tail in full flight under my ass on that beauty of a wave.

Finger shot down my alternative name for the suit, you know a bodyglove, I still think it was a mistake, but he never listens to me! Anyway that is how the first suit got made but it took us a long time to figure out a way around Whitey. Maybe I'll share that story a little later!